“Engage…”

There was something about the way Jean-Luc Picard said it, sitting there at the bridge of the Enterprise with calm intensity, large and in-charge. You knew that when you heard “Engage,” something was about to happen.

He didn’t say, “Let’s go somewhere,” or “Move out,” or even “Turn on some warp drives and just cruise around.”

“Engage” isn’t about merely arriving somewhere; the goal is to fully and intentionally interact with the situation at hand.

So it is with life.

Over time, the need for extensive manual labor to survive has decreased, while  the availability of on–demand entertainment—anytime, anywhere (or perhaps all the time, everywhere)—has increased. As a result, life has become increasingly passive. We have been conditioned, over generations of television and movie consumption, to sit quietly, watch, listen, and pick up the main themes when we can. 

We root for our team, but we don’t actually play the game.

Active Engagement vs Passive Consumption

The situation is the same, whether you’re staring at your mobile device or an 85-inch, 8K OLED display.

The issue is not the technology, but the degree of active engagement.

Video game developers understand this. The trend is towards ever-deeper immersion with the stories, worlds and characters they create.

Given a choice of sedentary activities, I recommend the video game over the TV show.

Video games necessitate decision-making. They impose consequences for actions, require active problem-solving and a baseline level of eye-hand coordination.

In October of 2022, the National Institutes of Health published the results of a JAMA article that associated increased cognitive performance with video games for a cohort of more than 2,200 children¹. (A subsequent note warned of attention deficits among children who spent too much time gaming.) 

Findings like these, that involvement is better than observation, illustrate a principle especially relevant in a screen-dominated culture:

Reality—whether virtual or actual—should not be a spectator sport.

Action Restores Meaning

I am reminded of one client in particular, although the scenario is common:

This man was emotionally under water. He had been besieged by existential calamity for so long that he no longer felt anything. He watched passively as his relationships deteriorated, his career declined and his basic needs became threatened.

Anhedonic? Obviously. Depressed? Clinically. 

What ultimately worked was not a pharmaceutical regimen of SSRIs and benzodiazepines, but a steady, supportive insistence that he engage.

He got off the couch and went outside. He confronted his financial situation and actualized a plan. He improved his diet and committed to exercise.

And in so doing, he remembered what it was like to care.

Inherent in this is the recovery of a fundamental truth: your actions matter.

Negative emotions can be survived, friends depended upon, personal and 
professional situations salvaged.

But only when you act.

As always, gratitude and optimism are the basis for a mindset that gives you a reason to make the effort in the first place.

When you intentionally and actively interact with your life, even the difficult parts get better.

What it Means to Engage

How do you actually engage with life?

Practice non-distraction.

Mindfully spend time with your children instead of sending them off to their rooms to “go play.” Learn what they care about. Understand their fears, their struggles, their aspirations. Know who they look up to—and why. Find out what they are being taught.

Take them outside to do things with you. It doesn’t have to be exotic or expensive. The things my (now grown) kids tell me they remember are frequently  mundane outings: the key is that we were together and intentionally engaged with each other.

The same holds for your significant other.

Sitting on the couch and watching TV is not a relationship, it is existing in your own distraction next to someone else.

“How was your day, dear?” Is a good start, but pay attention to the answer—no matter how long and intricate it may be—and don’t allow the interaction to stop there.

Be a part of that person’s dreams and challenges, even when your own life is hectic. Make the effort to get home in time to watch the sunset together. Actively support their own interests, whether running for office or running a business.

Make time to get outside and do things with them.

Touch some grass.

Play your game and watch your show and root for your team, but not to the exclusion of the rest of your existence. Your life should be about more than watching someone else live theirs.

Take a drive. Take a walk. Hike that trail and find out where that road goes.

Visit the next town—or the next continent.

Sweat in the summer and shiver in the winter. Remember what spring smells like. Rake your own leaves in the fall.

It’s OK to feel some discomfort sometimes. To always be insulated is to become (too) comfortably numb.

You won’t always be able to do all this, you know. Someday you won’t be able to do any of it.

Live your own life on your own time, by your own rules, for as long as you can.

And bring someone with you.

The Choice to Live Fully

It all comes down to choice.

Within certain immutable parameters, you can make of your life what you will.

Create a life that chases the highest good you can imagine.

Live so fully that there is no room for despair or regret.

Make a habit of gratitude.

In a world where you can choose to be almost anything—

Choose to be something magnificent.

Make It So.


1. JAMA Netw Open Published Online: October 24, 2022
2022;5;(10):e2235721. doi:10.1001/jamanetworkopen.2022.35721



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- JWW