Much has been said about authenticity: why we should be real, brah—regarding who we are and what we want. But pull back the curtain, and you find that we are each a jumble of disjointed foibles: inaccurate memories measured against puerile expectations. We cling to these fragments in the delusion that—through strength of will or cleverness—we can bring order, predictability, safety, to the maelstrom that lies at the foundation of even the most stable personalities.

This is the great lie perpetuated by convention and culture: that we can force coherence by subjugating chaos. But to imagine we can dominate the primitive daemons at our core is to invite madness. The tighter our grip—no matter how well-intentioned—the greater our chance of failure, shame and regret.

A Human Experience

We are limited creatures.

Is it true that, as the Jesuit Pierre Teilhard de Chardin supposedly said (and every new-age guru since has recited), “…we are spiritual beings having a human experience”? Maybe. But—by definition—the experience of being human must come with very real limitations. Otherwise we would be as gods, and that would defeat the purpose of the experience.

A significant part of psychological maturity is the ability to accept the limitations that make us human. Many of them aren’t pretty.

Those you trust will betray you. Difficult situations will surely devolve to become worse than you expect. Your sacrifices will go unnoticed, your triumphs short-lived. All—including you—will eventually fall short of your expectations. You will experience loss, loneliness, pain, illness, and eventually, death.

Dig deep enough, and you inevitably slam into the existential angst that comes with the responsibility of being human: no one is coming to save you. You must make your own way and thereby save yourself.

The flip-side of that ultimate existential responsibility is a terrifying existential freedom: every thought and action—within your human limitations—is available for you to choose. Sartre wrote, “Man is condemned to be free.”


I will spare you a detailed examination of Sartrean philosophy by way of a terse summary from my father: “You can have anything you want, if you’re willing to pay the consequences.” There is light among the clouds of this epiphany.

A Way Forward

There is much that we do not understand and cannot control. But to understand your limitations is to define your possibilities.

A defeatist outlook is certainly understandable. You could allow yourself to be defined by scarcity: not enough money, time, love, opportunity. But this stance leads to nihilism (“why do anything at all: nothing matters…”) and wastes the ineffable gift of consciousness that has been bestowed upon you. What greater sin than to deny the very existence you have been put here to experience.

I would posit a way forward that makes the most of your human condition; a formulation that allows you to fully experience the experience you are here to experience.

The first task is to recognize the nature of human limitation and your freedom within those limits. This is what we have been discussing.

The second step is to accept the parameters that are truly out of your control and integrate them into your reality: “be real” about what you can change and what you can’t. This acceptance and integration is simple in concept but difficult to achieve. It includes the thoughts and actions of others, the physical and biological limits of life and even the “shadow” parts of your own personality. Do your best to understand that what you wish you could control is, in many cases, much different from what you can control.

Then develop the mindset that will engender your most prescient actions:

- Choose to view the world through an optimistic lens.
- Be present and look forward.
- Express gratitude for the experiences that have made you who you are.
- Realize that you have total control over the things that are controllable: you need no one’s permission to make the decisions that will lead to your best life.
- You have every right to be here and do whatever you feel you need to do.

Armed with the decisions that emerge from the freedom of your being, all that remains is to effect congruent action:

- Have the discipline to do the things you decide to do.
- Take care of your health.
- Be mindful of the present. Don’t let the past burden or define you.
- Protect your peace and your energy.
- Live without fear.
- Seek community with like-minded individuals.
- Define a purpose for your life and pursue it with all you have, and all you are.
- Share your wisdom and knowledge, your compassion and kindness, with others.

Be Real

Immerse yourself completely in the richness of life: there is joy to be found amongst the chaos and confusion.

Now go forward and—despite your very real limitations—create your world.



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To learn more about how to use these concepts or to inquire about working with me, you can contact me on the Hardcore Happiness website, the comments section on my Substack or Medium accounts or the Hardcore Happiness blog page. If you have found value in this article, follow my Instagram account for daily insights, or my X account for occasional tweets. To support this community, you can Buy Me A Coffee or donate through my Patreon account.

- JWW