Lasting progress doesn’t happen overnight, no matter what your feed says.

The internet is overflowing with answers.

So why are we still searching?

Every creator...
Every guru...
Every influencer...
...has the secret.

Morning routines.
Cold plunges.
The perfect supplement.
The perfect mindset.
The perfect productivity system.

The perfect AI prompt.

If you could just find the right niche, that irresistible hook, the ideal 10-day challenge, you'd finally become the person you were meant to be.


After fifty years of studying psychology—and fifty years of being human—I have begun to suspect something else is at play here:

We don't have an information problem; we have a transformation problem.


We have unprecedented access to knowledge.

Thousands of books, podcasts, YouTube videos.

Every theory, religion and tradition.

Every AI model.

Every productivity framework.

We can immediately get an answer to almost any question.

And yet, depression and loneliness are on the increase, while meaning and purpose are on the decrease.

Burnout still happens.

If all we needed was information, wouldn’t we be better by now?

I get it.

Novelty feels like progress.

But dopamine rewards preparation, so sometimes we mistake busyness for progress. 

You don’t need another 20-something who got thousands of followers based on their good looks (sustained by tens of thousands of dollars in ad spend) telling you to buy their course on how to break out of your mundane life.

You don’t need another “influencer” writing a book about how to raise your children when his oldest child is only three or four.

You know he hasn’t even started being a parent yet, so why do you listen? Why do you buy the book?


It is similar to a habit that many of my private music students have.

These particular students are not learning how to play or sing from scratch, but are coming to me to fill in gaps in their knowledge, and break blocks they encountered when trying to teach themselves how to get better.

When I first meet with them, I learn what their goals are and devise a plan to help them get there. My efforts in this regard are based on 50 years of teaching music and being a professional educator for more than 40.

I then teach a specific exercise designed to shore up the weak spots in their technique. These exercises are based on having learned what works with thousands of students over dozens of years.

They immediately go home, completely ignore what I have told them, and reference 35 different YouTube videos on what they believe to be the subject.

They return a week later, mystified that they are confused when it all “seemed so clear in the lesson.”

These days, I spend a good deal of time trying to gently remind them that the YouTube videos can’t see where their thumb is, or how they are breathing, and reminding them that they pay me to do just that.

I understand what’s happening.

It’s not that they don’t trust me to help them improve. On the contrary, some of them have been coming regularly for many years. It’s that the allure of empty promises made by talking heads on the Internet is almost impossible to resist.

“Give me 10 days and I’ll show you the secrets the pros use!

“Spend $3000 on my proven method to make money while you sip piña coladas on the beach!”

“I’ll get you a million views or you won’t spend a dime!”

But people never realize that the Get Rich Quick Bros (the few that actually have made some money) have gotten rich by selling their schemes to people who have been convinced to think there’s an easy road.

My music students so afflicted believe that if they just watch one more YouTube video, they will unlock the key to fluid, effortless playing in all keys at speeds heretofore only dreamt of. 

When really what they needed was someone to say sit up straight, move your thumb an inch to the right. Now try that again.

Great! Now practice that 10,000 times…

Not everything on the Internet is garbage. It is not possible for each of us to be expert on everything we may wish to address in our lives.

But when you’re trying to fill in your own gaps, do your research. Find people who have put in the time and discipline to learn about what it is you want to know.

Go to the source.

Learn to think critically. 

Is this miracle powder that’s gonna make you look like a god or goddess the brainchild of a biochemist who has spent many years working with various compounds and who will tailor them to your specific needs?

Or is this somebody blessed with good genetics who’s a savvy marketer and whose “wondrous” life hack is made in the same lab (and has the same ingredients) as everybody else’s wonder powder?

I believe we used to call this kind of thing “snake oil“ when it was being pedaled to gullible consumers in the 1900s: now the oil is digital.

When you decide to listen to someone to help fill in the gaps in your own knowledge, be sure to find somebody who can honestly echo Liam Neeson‘s character in Taken (the part about “I have a particular set of skills, skills acquired over a very long time…” Not the part about, “I will find you… And I will kill you”).


But far be it from me to write an article telling you only what you don’t need. 

I’m always studying and refining and learning in my own quest to get better at helping you get better. And I have been doing so since Reagan was president. It takes a long time to learn what truly works and what doesn’t.

The one thing I can guarantee is that no advice will work unless you take consistent, disciplined action.

And no one can do that for you.

Allow me to suggest something, based on working with people to help them reach their goals for more than 40 years. As you undoubtedly by now suspect, this isn’t an instant-fix life hack.

I recommend that you carefully curate a set of habits that—while not glamorous or guaranteed to make you rich and famous—are the foundation of a long–lasting life of well–being and satisfaction.

Like most habit formation, it takes a while to learn and practice these thoughts and behaviors before they become habitual. When they do, you will have forged a new lifestyle through your repeated efforts.

Not a quick fix that is abandoned in a couple of weeks or months.


To get started, ask yourself a few questions (be honest, no one is looking), and feel free to add your own:

What truth do you already know but ignore out of fear?

What are you postponing, even though you suspect it would make your life better?

What do you gain from procrastination?

What belief system do you hide behind, even though you don’t really believe in it?

What positions do you take because you don’t want to do the work of considering alternatives?

You get the idea.

Then, armed with your honest answers, begin to develop a course of repeatable action:

Use your free will to choose what to concentrate on and what to avoid.

Use your discipline to do what you know you need to do, even when you are unmotivated.

Decide to adopt a life-affirming, optimistic outlook based on gratitude.

Protect your peace: avoid negative people and situations, even if you have to make some difficult decisions.

Remember that gratitude defeats despair.

Learn to manage your anxiety.

Choose a reason to keep going.

Above all, be gentle with yourself.

True progress takes time.




Read my recent interview with Dr. Mehmet Yildiz here.

My novel, The Calling is available now in print and as an eBook.


Click here to subscribe to SHADOW & STAR, my free weekly newsletter.



To learn more about how to use these concepts or to inquire about working with me, go to the Jeff W Welsh website, subscribe to my Substack or Medium accounts or the Hardcore Happiness blog page, and follow my Instagram account for regular insights.

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- JWW