Perfection is an illusion.

Even if you work hard enough and are lucky enough to achieve a situation that approaches perfection in your estimation, it is sure to be short-lived.

Things change.

We change.

The world is not perfect, and we are not perfect.

But the opposite of perfectionism is not necessarily resignation; it can be realistic engagement.

The question becomes: how can we realistically achieve eudaimonic happiness—satisfaction and well-being—when we are imperfect beings in an imperfect world?

I would offer two concepts that may be helpful in this regard: “as if,“ and “good enough,“ in that order.

Alfred Adler was an Austrian ophthalmologist-turned psychotherapist in the 1930s; a contemporary of Freud. Among many other influential contributions to psychology, Adler (who, incidentally, coined the phrase “inferiority complex”) proposed the concept of living “as if.”

It is not uncommon for people to conceptualize standards of perfection (as Thom Yorke sings in Radiohead’s Creep: “I want a perfect body / I want a perfect soul”).

It is a good thing to strive for ideal goals, knowing full well that they will never be perfectly realized; such inspiration motivates us to improve. But when individuals judge the distance between where they are now and where they want to be as too great, they may give up their striving altogether.

This is the opposite of perfectionism; it is giving up on even incremental improvement, with the impossibility of perfection as an excuse.

An example: A patient struggling with obesity and overeating, who says, “Why even bother dieting and exercising; I’ll never have a perfect body anyway.”

Adler might have recommended living as if; in this case, behaving as if one is already active and healthy.

This shift in mindset removes the block of having to approach an unrealistic standard, and replaces it with the actions of a person already well on the way to some approximation of that ultimate goal.

Instead of “why even start?” the worldview becomes “of course I exercise and watch what I eat—I’m a healthy person.”

Acting "as if" is more than "fake it till you make it." It isn't pretending to be someone else. It is choosing to behave consistently with the person you are intentionally becoming.

This not mere “positive thinking.” To live as if entails action; a behavioral change in line with movement towards the goal.

Most importantly, Adler’s proposition is congruent with modern formulations of habit formation, identity-based behavior change, and self-perception:

we don't merely express our identity through our actions—our actions also shape our identity.

So we approach our ideals by living as if we are already well along the path, rather than avoiding them altogether because “nobody’s perfect.”

In so doing, we escape the trap of perfectionism by taking action in the direction of our perfect visualizations, even as we know we will never fully reach the destination.

In this way, the journey engenders improvement through behavior change, which is the point in the first place.

Once your attention shifts from impossible perfection to purposeful action, another question naturally arises: How will you judge your progress?

Once you are living as if, realistically doing the best you can in any situation, you can turn your attention to life satisfaction.

You get to choose how satisfied you are with the results of your new, positively-oriented behavior.

Even though we may be doing “better” by whatever standards we decide to impose, perfection is still not attainable or sustainable. Therefore, to maintain a sense of wellbeing and satisfaction, we need to recalibrate our expectations from “perfect” to the level of “good enough.”

How good “good enough“ is becomes a judgment call that only you can make.

This recalibration of expectation is far from “settling for less.” It is your sovereign right to set the bar as high as you like, to work as hard as you please, to improve as much as you dare, in any given endeavor.

There is nothing wrong with striving for perfection as an aspirational north star. But to become obsessed with perfection as a real, obtainable goal is folly.

Let’s say you have a big day at work tomorrow, and you decide you really need a solid eight hours of sleep to feel your best.

Having set your mind firmly on the goal of eight perfect hours of deep, restful sleep, it is very likely that you will toss and turn, waking with a start at each tick of the clock that brings you closer to the violence of the alarm.

If you substitute the necessity of “perfect” sleep with a realization that even an imperfect rest will likely be good enough, you may experience—paradoxically—better sleep, because you have alleviated the pressure of perfection.

“Good enough” can encompass lofty aspirations, without unrealistic—and unobtainable—expectations.

People lose their sense of wonder as they accumulate the allostatic load that accompanies a long life.

Disappointments, disasters and death are an integral part of life. Over time, we can become bitter and brittle, but it need not be that way.

To maintain a positive outlook isn’t in any way “toxic,” and adopting a child-like sense of wonder in a wondrous world is not childish.

Recalibrate your expectations of the world from “perfect” to “good enough,” and remain grateful for the experience in its totality. It is not naïve to hold a positive outlook in the face of imperfection.

The opposite of naïveté is not necessarily cynicism; it can be awareness.

Be aware of your imperfection, of the imperfection of your world.

Live as if you are already the person you want to be, and set your sights on goals that are good enough, no mater how close to perfection you may assign them.

Then go touch some grass.

Look up.

Take a slow breath.

Be grateful—not because life is perfect, but because it is good enough to be lived.



Read my recent interview with Dr. Mehmet Yildiz here.

My novel, The Calling is available now in print and as an eBook.


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To learn more about how to use these concepts or to inquire about working with me, visit the Jeff W Welsh website, subscribe to my Substack or Medium accounts or the Hardcore Happiness blog page, and follow my Instagram account for regular insights.

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- JWW