Everyone has a past.

Every past has some moments of triumph and some embarrassments, some great decisions and some regrets. As I have previously written, It is important to remember the people, places, and situations that have brought you to where you are. Past accomplishments provide a sense of self-esteem and worth, and past mistakes become learning experiences. We need to remember our mistakes so that we don’t repeat them in the future; this is part of the way that we grow. But don’t look back when you are trying to move forward.

One Way

Imagine driving down the freeway while looking out the back window. Absurd, of course, but we do the same thing with our lives all the time.

Your focus—the things you look forward to—will change as you go through the various stages of your life.

When you are very young, your whole world is your family. In high school, you are focused on fun, and friends, then family, and finally, (maybe) grades. And probably in that order.

After graduation, you are focused on keeping up with your job and/or coursework and possibly a “serious” relationship. Then it’s all about a car and a place to live.

Next, children may consume your focus (don’t worry; that only lasts for the rest of your life). Somewhere in there you likely will climb the ladder of promotion in a career and probably move a time or two (or more). If all goes well—and “all” rarely goes well—holidays and vacations will happen, and “empty nest syndrome” and retirement come sooner than you would believe.

All of this—the births and deaths, the laughter and tears, commitment and betrayal, sickness and health, feast and famine—is what constitutes a human life.

These experiences are why you are here.

But if you constantly relive the negative stuff (“I should have…” “I could have…” “Why did it happen to me?”), you can get stuck in the past. In psychology, this endless loop of bad old replays is called rumination, and it leads to anxiety and depression, even in otherwise happy and healthy people.

It is extremely difficult to drive to your destination while looking out the back window: the only way is forward.

Where ‘Ya Headed?

My clinical and personal experience has taught me that the best way to keep from getting stuck in the past is to be very clear about your future.

When you think about it, it doesn’t make sense to view life any other way.

The past has happened. You can remember it and learn from it, but you can’t change it, no matter how much you want to.

The only way to influence your future is to take action in the present. Want a degree? Better start school now. Want to get sober? No time like the present to stop drinking. Need to lose weight? It won’t happen until you get control of your exercise and diet. You get the idea.

But people don’t apply this idea to the most important thing of all: who do you want to be?

It is easy to be reactive instead of proactive. You can become so consumed in the immediate focus of life that you forget to look ahead. Suddenly you are 70 and wonder where the time went.

To look forward is to develop a purpose. Not just to pass the next exam or take the kids to soccer on time or remember Valentine’s day or your anniversary, but to take a longer view: where do you want to be when you are 40, or 50, or 60?

You get to choose whatever purpose you want, but for it to happen, you have to start now.

One Voice

Your purpose is the adventure of your life—the reason you are here. The path typically will require sacrifice for you to advance.

Here’s the part you may not realize: If you totally commit to your purpose, life will arrange itself so that the sacrifice is made whether you intended it or not. This is why so many of my very high-functioning clients and students have significant, life-altering situations come up immediately before a breakthrough. It happens so frequently that it is almost a cliché in our Hardcore Happiness community.

There are many theories regarding this phenomenon. I don’t know why it happens, I only know that it does. This is a small price to pay for the satisfaction of a purposeful life. To shun this responsibility is to invite regret at the end of your life.

To define your purpose, you must identify what calls to you. See clearly that which grabs your interest and peaks your curiosity; this is the spirit of adventure that is at the heart of your purpose.

And there is only one voice that you must listen to in this journey: your own.

Many other well-meaning individuals will try to sway you from your path. Whether it is out of jealousy, fear, cultural custom or an attempt to live vicariously through your efforts, you will get advice from everyone in your immediate vicinity. Listen to their rationale if you want to, but remember—only you can live your life. Only you will reap the benefits—or suffer the consequences—of your decisions and actions.

Let people inform you; don’t let them define you.

Don’t Look Back

Life—like driving—is more successful when you look ahead.

The only way to truly live your life is to move forward, on your own terms and toward your own purpose.

Honor the past, learn from it, but don’t let it become excess baggage on the journey of your conscious existence.

We move in the direction of our attention.



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To learn more about how to use these concepts, to become part of the Hardcore Happiness community or to inquire about working with me, you can contact me on the Hardcore Happiness website, the comments section on my Substack or Medium accounts or the Hardcore Happiness blog page. If you have found value in this article, follow my Instagram account for daily insights, or my X account for occasional tweets. To support this community, you can Buy Me A Coffee or donate through my Patreon account.

- JWW