So you’ve lost everything you’ve worked for. All the people you trusted have betrayed you. Again—and maybe several times over—you find yourself having to start from scratch.

Or you are dealing with issues not quite so dramatic, but still enough to sap your energy and dull your enthusiasm.

And here’s some guy telling you to “be optimistic.”

I know how it sounds, but yes, I am—and yes, you can.

Optimism removes the film of anxiety that dims the world and restores it to its full, vibrant color.

How do you regain the happy, positive feeling—butterflies in your stomach and goosebumps on your skin—that comes with being excited about the future?

Optimism is built from gratitude and vision. Let’s take them one at a time.

Optimism, Part One: Gratitude

Gratitude is a choice.

We have a built-in negative bias, a primitive psychological mechanism that causes us to focus on “bad” things because good things typically won’t kill you.

Once you are aware of this, you can choose to focus on positive outcomes.

Ended a relationship and now you’re lonely? Focus on your newfound freedom to do and be what you will, without regret and without asking for permission.

Unexpected expenses keeping you from that Caribbean cruise? Plan ways to have a great, local “staycation” instead.

You get the idea. The point is to remember that you can choose what you put your attention and energy into. There is very likely a younger version of you who wanted what you now have. Recall your past wants, and be thankful for those you have achieved.

When you change your focus to the good things in your life, you reframe your outlook on your situation—and your future. Good cognitive-behavioral therapy makes liberal use of positive reframing, but it’s something you can also do for yourself.

When you choose to refocus—to concentrate on the positive things in your life—gratitude will follow. It is impossible to feel gratitude and despair at the same time. Choose which one you want to win.

I have repeated this slogan to patients, clients, and students for a long time: Gratitude Defeats Despair.

Optimism, Part Two: Vision

Vision is also a choice.

What is your vision of your future? This may sound simplistic, but it works: if you don’t like what you see in your future, change your path.

You are a human being with consciousness, intelligence, and agency. You get to choose the future you work toward. You have more freedom than you think—to Create Your World.

Vision is what excites you. It’s what makes you want to get out of bed in the morning and helps you push through tough times. Visualize the best and brightest use of your life that you can imagine.

See yourself doing something in the future that makes you happy—something fulfilling and meaningful, as you alone define it.

Think about what makes you, well…you. What are you good at? What do you enjoy? What are your talents, preferences, experiences, training, curiosities?

Contrary to pervasive Internet memes, you can’t “be anything you want.” If you’re a muscular six-foot-five man, you’re probably not going to be a professional jockey anytime soon.

But you do have the absolute, unalienable right to choose a happy and fulfilling vision for your future.

These two steps alone ensure feelings of optimism.

Building Optimism

With a baseline of gratitude, vision makes you unstoppable. It’s what drives people to earn that degree, pursue that promotion, record that song, or write that book.

Understand that vision is not always perfect. You are human, and there will be setbacks as you begin to actualize your vision and turn it into purpose.

But your vision is the bright star that keeps you moving—over, around, or, in some cases, through obstacles.

Get this: it’s your life.

No one gets to tell you what to do with it. No one can make you feel anything you don’t choose to feel.

Choose gratitude. Choose vision. It’s better than the alternative.

Become a director and a creator of your life—not a victim of circumstance.

A Cautionary Note

What if you just can’t see anything in your future that excites you? What if the only thing you can imagine—no matter how hard you try—is an endless succession of gray, identical days leading to your ultimate demise?

Then, my friend, you may be dealing with depression.

I can’t diagnose why or how severe, because I’m not speaking to you individually. But I can tell you this: it’s time to find an experienced therapist, an experienced life coach, or ideally, someone who is both.

By “experienced,” I don’t mean someone who watched a few videos and now calls themselves a coach. If you’re dealing with anhedonia—the inability to feel excitement—you need someone with both formal training and real-world experience. Find someone who resonates with you.

This is not medical advice. If you are experiencing so-called “vegetative” symptoms—difficulty getting out of bed, major sleep disruption, appetite changes, or thoughts of self-harm—this is a different situation entirely.

Seek help immediately from a qualified mental health care professional. In the U.S., you can call or text 988, or dial 911 in an emergency.

For our purposes here, we’re talking about the blues—the familiar melancholy and ennui that visit all of us at times when life doesn’t go as planned.

Optimism

The point is simple:

Do whatever you need to do to recognize that your life already contains things to be grateful for.

Then create a vision that excites you about what might be possible.

When those two forces work together, you will experience the elevated, energized, deeply human state we call optimism.

And that is a powerful way to live.

My novel, The Calling is available now in print and as an eBook.


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To learn more about how to use these concepts or to inquire about working with me, go to the Jeff W Welsh website, subscribe to my Substack or Medium accounts or the Hardcore Happiness blog page, and follow my Instagram account for daily insights.




- JWW