It’s easy to feel “less than,” especially in today’s world, where every time you doom scroll your social media feed you are bombarded with tales of the (apparently) rich, carefree and famous. You probably have success stories too, and it’s important—for many reasons—to remember them: to remember who you are.

Comparison Is A Thief

“Comparison,” as is often said, “is the thief of joy.” This has always been true: there has always been someone with a faster car or a bigger house or a more attractive significant other; someone who is faster, stronger, prettier, richer, or <insert whatever you are insecure about here> than you.

Our current obsession with social media has thrown a never-ending parade of comparison in our digital faces. Everybody, it seems, is doing better than you. Just look at that 23-year-old with a Lamborghini! Or that influencer (impossibly beautiful, of course) on her way to some fabulous beach adventure in her private jet.

What is wrong with you that keeps you from being fabulous too?

And so we start to feel deficient, as though we are, have, and mean, something less. Comparison—like worry—is worse than a waste of your precious time and energy, it is harmful; a cancer of the spirit that tells you aren’t good enough and maybe should stop trying.

This is a futile and non-productive race that you can’t win.

There is a 6-year-old in Korea who can play guitar faster than you.

You know what you really are best at? You are the undisputed, undefeated, G.O.A.T. champion of…being you.

No one else can do exactly what you can do, or be exactly what you can be. It is ignorant for anyone else to try to be you: that job is already taken.

And, unless you personally know the object of your comparison, you are likely comparing yourself to something that isn’t real, anyway.

What Is Real

While I was preparing for this article, I came across this quote from Justin Welsh (no relation…well, we probably are related back there somewhere… In any case, Justin is really good at what he does; go look him up if you don’t know him):

The moment you realize nobody knows what they're doing is the day you become unstoppable.
Every expert you admire was once as clueless as you feel right now.
The only difference is they persisted in the face of feeling embarrassed.

Here’s something real: everyone, everywhere, starts where you are now, wherever that may be.

Elon Musk was just as naked, helpless and ignorant as you were, at birth (OK, Elon may actually be an android from a more advanced planet, but you get what I’m saying).

The biggest, baddest, most talented people you fantasize about becoming were once pissing on themselves and crying for a tit. Actually, I know some guys who still… Yet, I digress.

Most of the people you follow hope that you will believe that they are rich and fabulous, and that you therefore will pay them lots of money to learn how to become rich and fabulous yourself.

Never mind the fact that they have rented the props behind them and spent their last dollar on Facebook ads to try to climb out through the noise of the Internet. (Did you know there’s a guy in Los Angeles—one of many—who rents time for people to make videos in his fake private jet interior?)

Many of the folks who want you to believe they are in a superior tax bracket still live at home with their parents (or grandparents!) or are living with five or six other people in a rented house. But all you see on Instagram is their fabulous meals in fabulous places.

And there’s nothing wrong with that—props to them for making the attempt. But realize that they aren’t the only ones with a story to tell. Remember who you are.

Some of these movers and shakers have worked extremely hard and actually gained some measure of expertise and competence. The tiny handful of those who make it “to the top“ were probably in the right place at the right time. They started their podcast 16 years ago before the field was saturated. They knew somebody who knew somebody that had a TV show and got them critical networking to expand their audience.

This isn’t throwing shade at them! They optimized their path and created something. You can too.

Maybe you work at three different coffee shops as you put yourself through college. Maybe you get up early and commute an hour and a half each way because you are learning a trade that offers you little money and prestige now, but will pay off because you know how to delay gratification.

Maybe you have beat the odds and built something from nothing. The “American dream“ is still possible, but it takes—and has always taken—ingenuity, drive, and healthy self-esteem. Don’t count yourself short: remember who you are.

Life is brief and unpredictable, and each of us is given a different, seemingly random, set of skills with which to navigate it.

All that matters is how you build your own life—how you have been able to use the tools and talents you inherited when you were born and developed as you grew, to live your life the way you want. That is true freedom.

To gain your freedom, it is essential that you remember who you are.

It’s Not Just Ego

Self-esteem is huge part of physical and mental health. It is a major component of your quality of life and your life satisfaction.

It’s more than just feeling good about yourself. When you remember who you are, where you have been and what you have survived, you touch upon a whole host of things that contribute to your eudaimonic happiness: your life satisfaction and well-being.

Remember that you have had to:

Protect your peace. Directly or indirectly, people will try to make you feel that what you have struggled for doesn’t matter. That maybe it’s not as good as somebody else’s accomplishment; that what you did was great but it’s all in the past. Removing nay-sayers from your life is a worthy—and frequently necessary—endeavor. This may include family and friends; in-person and online.

Choose, rediscover, and rededicate yourself to your purpose. You may have found that the journey took longer and was harder than you expected. If you take a moment to step back, to ignore the negativity and the constant, niggling technical requirements needed to survive in an Internet-connected world, you may be able to rediscover and re-experience your joy and passion. Remember why you started in the first place; what truly excites you. Concentrate on that and you can still reestablish the drive and the fun of it all.

Create Your World. One of the most common reactions that you may get to breaking out of the mindless mold and moving towards your dream is, “Who do you think you are?“ This is exactly the point. You know who you are and you have lived experience to back it up. 

When you remember who you really are, you become mindful of other attributes you had to develop in order to succeed, to thrive: discipline, positivity, gratitude, mindfulness, optimism, and just plain can’t-stop-won’t-stop grit.

Success Takes Time

The time you spend to develop a better skill set, a better future, is not waste of time, it is the journey of your life.

The struggle isn’t a meaningless chore to be avoided, it is the only thing that can build you into the person you want to be. It sounds cliché, but the struggle builds character. Nothing else can, or will. 

In the end, if you’re not fighting for it, it doesn’t really matter.

If you want to be a standout guitar player but you refuse to play anything except the same three chords you learned 30 years ago, you’re not fighting for it. And if you’re not fighting for it, you don’t deserve it and will not attain it.

This fight—the daily confrontation with real life—is what allows you to hold your head up with authentic dignity. This isn’t false pride, this is the real acknowledgement of who you are and what you have had to overcome, even if you’re in transition to the next accomplishment.

Recounting your triumphs and accomplishments, the obstacles you had to move, go around, or go through with your vision and tenacity is not “resting on your laurels,” it is a testament to your resilience and ingenuity. 

Don’t downplay the things that you have accomplished. This is not false humility—remember who you are.

To survive the tough times when it feels like all of the grinding and studying, the ingenuity and imagination and sacrifice are not moving you forward, you have to remember who you are.

The opposite is also true: you have to remember who you are in order to stay humble when things go very well as a result of your work.

A Personal Example

I am no more immune to self deprecation than anyone else. My own version of difficulty with this concept lies in the realm of, “Yeah, but that was in the past.”

I have four college degrees—including a doctorate—and have earned several professional certifications and licenses. I’ve been the chief executive officer of three different corporations, and president of two separate colleges. I am certified to SCUBA dive and licensed to fly airplanes. I built a $30 million business in an extremely competitive city. I’m a professional musician who has recorded in some of the world’s most famous studios. I have released albums of music that I composed, performed, recorded, mixed and distributed under my own record label. 

I have written several books, published original biomedical research in peer-reviewed journals and lectured nationally on the results.

I actually achieved my most important dream, to raise my family in the best city I could imagine, within walking distance of the ocean, with all of the sacrifice that entailed. There was no silver spoon in this journey; I grew up in a lower middle-class military family in an isolated desert town. The first time I saw the ocean, I drove myself. I was 16. 

I have taught and trained and counseled and entertained many thousands of people in an attempt to make their lives better and help them with their own purpose and self-esteem.

And guess what? To this day, I catch myself thinking, “None of that matters. The only thing that's important is what's next.”

But what you can be next is built on what you were before. Remember who you are.

It’s important to recognize that “all in the past” train of thought for the poisonous, negative self talk that it is. Don’t listen to that kind of rhetoric from anybody, including and—maybe especially—yourself. Remember who you are.

Fuel For Your Fire

What if you’re very young, you haven’t really accomplished anything yet and aren’t sure where to start?

Or maybe you are in your 20s, and you slid through the minimum amount of school with the minimum amount of effort and now you work at a minimum wage job. Your minimally satisfying lifestyle, your “purpose” in life, is to get high and have sex.

Perhaps you are in your 30s or 40s or beyond, and you realize that your “accomplishments“ have all been based on somebody else’s work. You’ve been a good corporate drone and done whatever jobs were handed to you—perhaps for good pay—but you know you could be replaced by somebody younger, smarter and cheaper.

(These are common examples from people I have taught and counseled over the years.)

In all of these cases the answer is the same: realize that you still have the ability to do something worthy; something significant that is born of your own blood, sweat and tears, something that will require you to persevere, imagine and implement. That you will own and can be proud of.

Don’t be afraid to take on that kind of challenge, that kind of responsibility and purpose.

At the end of that period of struggle and growth, regardless of the outcome, you will be able to hold your head up and know that the path itself was remarkable and commendable. And for each endeavor that you undertake after that, you will be bolstered by the fact that you can remember what you did, and who you are.

You will be able to live with dignity and have pride in the things you have accomplished, to realize that the sleepless nights and the sacrifice, and the fact that you never gave up, never gave in, never settled is the journey.

That is what you can be proud of. That is what you remember, when you remember who you are.

Remember Who You Are

I can’t think of many other places where you have to be more “hardcore” about your happiness than this. You must not allow anyone or anything to convince you that what you have achieved is inconsequential.

The things you have been able to accomplish are a proof of concept. They show what you are capable of and speak strongly to what you can still create.

So if you don’t yet have anything that makes your life worth remembering, go build something.

And if you have lived—and still live—a life that allows you to hold your head up with pride and walk with quiet dignity, don’t forget it.

Remember who you are.



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