The epistemological debate regarding free will is out of my philosophical wheelhouse; I will leave it to the theologians. But I do know this:

While we don’t choose our genetics or the circumstances of our birth, everything that follows from that is the result of a series of decisions.

Why Decide?

I frequently quote a Rush song, in which Neil Peart wrote, “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”

There is a pervasive myth that says if you really don’t know what to do, it’s best to not do anything. But that mindset is also a decision. When you decide to do nothing, you have decided to give up your agency as a person, and adopt a “victim” mentality of hoping things will get better by luck or chance or divine providence.

In all cases, it’s easier to navigate the road if you steer the car.

When you choose to accept personal responsibility for the things that you can control, you immediately step into a position of power; the ability to do things rather than have them done to you. It is better for your mental health and your life outcomes to make decisions that will benefit you in the long run, and to avoid flights from anxiety that will have only a short-term effect.

Good Decisions

Good decisions are easy to recognize. They result in good outcomes. That is, good decisions lead to good actions and good actions make your life better.

How do I define “good” and “better”? Good decisions protect your peace and are in line with your chosen purpose. Peace is the result of decreased conflict, anxiety, stress and depression. Purpose is the sum of the long-term goals you have set for yourself as a way to bring meaning to your life.

These “good” decisions make you happier in the long run. They typically are made with forethought and intent, and frequently necessitate some sacrifice: the exchange of short-term comfort and pleasure for long-term satisfaction and well-being. This is the art of delayed gratification.

Bad Decisions

Bad decisions are sometimes more difficult to see right away, because they can take a while to develop. Bad decisions result in unwise actions, and lead to relationships, events and situations that impede our progress.

These decisions eventually result in stress, depression, and anxiety. Or worse.

Why do people make bad decisions? In many cases, they are the result of previous bad decisions. Imagine a person with a gambling addiction who has lost everything because of bad decisions. Now they decide they’re going to go all in on that one last big bet because they just know it’s all gonna turn out OK. This is an example of decisions and actions made from desperation. Not all scenarios are so obvious, but desperate people are prone to ill-advised action. Best to make decisions that keep you from being desperate in the first place whenever possible, even if it means life is a bit more boring or uncomfortable for a while.

Almost all bad decisions are made as a result of fear.

Fear can look like loneliness when you are afraid that you might be isolated forever; that you will never again feel love. That fear can lead to rash and impulsive decisions and relationships that will only bring more pain in the future.

Some fear is the fear of pain, mental or physical. That type of fear leads to bad decisions that frequently involve substance abuse. The result is having to make even more difficult decisions down the line, to get back to normal. This kind of short-term escape makes your life more difficult in the long run. Instead, focus on improving the situation, restoring peace, and furthering your purpose.

It is easier to maintain health and happiness than to regain it.

Perhaps your fear is that you are not “good enough.” The bad decision is to go into debt with fancy cars, big houses and expensive vacations to impress your friends and followers (and especially yourself); to appear successful. Better to work on self-improvement in congruence with your chosen purpose and actually become more successful. It will take longer, but the results are authentic, far more satisfying, and will last longer when you earn it.

Hard Decisions

Everyone is faced with difficult decisions. Beware impulsive actions that result in a cheap-and-easy dopamine hit to make you feel better momentarily. The short-term fun may ease the anxiety that comes with big decisions, but it can make things worse in the future, and you still have to face the hard decision.

Maybe you are anxious because you are running low on money, so you decide to make yourself feel better with a frivolous purchase.

Perhaps you are sad because you’re not in a relationship, so you try to make yourself feel better by engaging in a series of one-night stands that leave you feeling even more broken.

You are tired and stressed out so you doom-scroll in search of quick dopamine fixes until 3 AM. The resulting crash leaves you truly exhausted, depressed, and you have have nuked your immune system. The result is that it takes even longer for you to feel good again.

Hard decisions are best made proactively. It’s hard to keep moving—to take that walk, to go to the gym—when you’re tired but if you don’t, it’s much harder later. It’s hard to separate yourself from toxic individuals and situations, especially if you love the person or the situation is lucrative. But it is frequently necessary to do so, to protect your peace. The more consequential the decision, the more you need to focus on the long-term results: will this end up with you being who you want to be?

Big decisions made reactively are frequently the product of bad decisions made earlier. You’ve made it more difficult when you’ve been eating the wrong foods and now need to go on a diet. It is hard when you’ve been spending too much money and now need to adhere to a restrictive budget. Again, it is much easier to maintain a state of wellness—financially, health-wise or in your relationships—than it is to lose control and have to regain it.

How to Decide

Some decisions are literally life-and-death, and must be made immediately. When those situations arise, the best you can do is rely on training and instinct to carry the day. (As an aside, if you find yourself having to make immediate high stress, life-and-death decisions frequently, you may want to modify your lifestyle.) For most of us, split-second survival decisions are rare.

For the rest of life’s big decisions, try to consider your options from a place of calm, and keep your long-term goals and purpose in mind. Remember that bad decisions now frequently relate to more hard decisions later.

A good decision is made with intention. That means that you give thought to your present situation; the resources that are available to you, and the actions that you could and realistically would do. When faced with a decision of some consequence, write the pros and cons down by hand. This act engages brain circuits that will help you reflect on and more accurately manage the ramifications of the actions you have in mind.

Decisions

By now, it should be obvious that decisions and their subsequent actions have an enormous impact on your long-term happiness and well-being.

This is another reason reason that I use the term Hardcore Happiness to describe a lifestyle designed with your long-term happiness and well-being in mind. Decisions of consequence are best made with discipline and intent, and with your mindset aimed at protection of your peace and pursuit of your purpose. If you have a hardcore attitude towards major life decisions now, you will have far fewer difficult decisions to make in the future.

Never give in.

Never give up.

Never settle.

Make good decisions, even if they are difficult, and Create Your World.




Click here to get my free Introduction to the Three Pillars of a happy life!

To learn more about how to use these concepts or to inquire about working with me, you can contact me on the Hardcore Happiness website, the comments section on my Substack or Medium accounts or the Hardcore Happiness blog page. If you have found value in this article, follow my Instagram account for daily insights, or my X account for occasional tweets. To support this community, you can donate through my Patreon account.

- JWW